Phillipa Mychael · 7 April, 2022 at 1:17 am

1) TONY: 3)KYLIE
Not the Best of Me: Not the Best of Me:
Tony: Loyal Defyer- Ambivalent Kylie: Embarrassed Rejector- Fragmenting
Mum: Caring, Critical-Catcher- Ambivalent Debbie(mother) Disappointed Bully- Fragmenting
Best of Me: Best of Me:
Tony:Accepted Exchanger- Constructive Kylie:Connected Relator- Constructive
Mum: Relaxed Listener- Constructive Debbie(mother) Guilt Inducing Reminderer- Fragmenting

2)DEBBIE. 4) MARIO
Not the Best of Me: Not the Best of Me –
Debbie: Angry Accuser- Fragmenting Mario: Frustrated Explainer- Ambivalent
Mario: Self Righteous Accuser- Fragmenting Tony: Lazy Ignorer: Fragmented
Best of Me Best of Me- Mario: Joyful Allower: Constructive
Debbie: Calmer Conceding Talker- Constructive Tony: Peaceful participator : Constructive
Mario:Turning Towarder, I'm still righter- Ambivalent

Nadirah Chee · 6 April, 2022 at 4:46 am

I can celebrate my capacity to offer a stable place for my family to feel safe. I feel thankful and sometimes normalized by them. I can participate in being mindful of the consequence of my actions towards self and others.

Nadirah Chee · 6 April, 2022 at 1:11 am

I have prejudices against people who criticize and do not offer alternatives.

Nadirah Chee · 5 April, 2022 at 2:16 pm

I went to Mecca to perform my pilgrimage. There were rites that I had to learn and perform at Mecca, Saudi Arabia. In performing the pilgrimage, I was allowed to better appreciate my religion and community I grow up in.

Jessie Orwin · 31 March, 2022 at 6:03 am

I fully believe in treating everyone with kindness, respect, dignity and love no matter what, without expectation. I suppose I struggle with giving 100% no matter what. I see too many people giving into toxic relationships, becoming depleted and not using wisdom and having healthy boundaries. I feel I need to chew on this principle a bit more.

Phillipa Mychael · 30 March, 2022 at 1:59 am

It is very easy to surround ourselves with like minded people and, through maintaining the “I & I ” status quo, believe that we are in authentic reciprocating relationship -and as our world shrinks we become more inclined to want to shut our ears to the differences that might exist and accept that it is normal for avoidance to seem like “peace”. That “peace” is so easily shattered when the other positions come close to us and we shout for these differences to “go away” ; or actually drive out others as we begin to fear the unstabilising effects of difference.

Eva Bruins · 29 March, 2022 at 1:49 pm

Very applicable to consider this when society is so polarised. A good call and encouragement to respectfully listen to each other, Melanie, and cultivate meaningful relationships.

Eva Bruins · 28 March, 2022 at 12:21 pm

Yes, the 100/0 principle reminds me of Jesus too! So many paradoxes in his kingdom, a totally different economy. 100/0 is like ‘give and you will receive’. Love your enemies, lend without expecting to get anything back. It’s so good. Longing to grow in living like that. It reminds me of the teaching I learnt in PeaceWise training, about apologising in a conflict: taking the first step, apologising for your contribution to the conflict, taking 100% responsibility for your contribution. Nearly always the other person then admits they were in the wrong too and the conflict can be resolved. Humility. I’ll take the 100/0 challenge:)

Shu Ning Poh · 28 March, 2022 at 3:41 am

I physically experienced being a pilgrim on my 12 day expedition to Annapurna basecamp in Nepal. It was a life changing journey and a poignant metaphor for life. I learned to be present with myself during the prolonged periods of hiking in solitude, contemplate about life through the eyes of nature, emerging with a sense of gratitude for my body, for life, and the wisdom that nature imparted on me on this unexpected spiritual journey.

Within the therapeutic context, I also experience being a pilgrim or as Yalom puts it a fellow "traveller" without distinctions between 'them' (the afflicted) and 'us' (the healers). … We are all in this together, and there is no therapist and no person immune to the inherent tragedies of existence. We may or may not be able to reach a "holy" or "spiritual" internal place at times with the person whom we are journeying with, but I can offer my full presence to the experiences in the therapeutic space.

Rebecca Szwede · 27 March, 2022 at 4:42 am

What comes to mind for me is that it can be difficult to listen to others who have very strong /fixed opinions who judge your own views as being wrong and are aggressive about making their point. Or if someone thinks something is ok that you morally don’t agree with, how hard it can be to suspend judgement and try really understand the other person. I do like this framework because I can recognise times that someone was asking something of me that was only of benefit to them, and this gives me an understanding of why it felt so bad. And it also helps me to recognise the times when I have had unrealistic expectations of others.

Rebecca Szwede · 27 March, 2022 at 4:00 am

What came to mind after watching this is a saying I had read previously along the lines of, ‘if you want to change someone else’s behaviour, then change your own’. And the meaning behind that being that the way you react and respond to others, and the mindset you have does influence things. And also letting go of thinking you can control or make someone act differently. I really like the idea of letting go of expectations, and taking responsibility, because it gives a sense of relief, and a bit like a ‘loving kindness’ meditation, offers a chance to step back and see how things are from others point of view with more kindness and compassion.

Catherine Solano · 26 March, 2022 at 10:15 am

Yes, I can identify myself in all these different styles of relationships
The I-Thou with two sisters and three close friends and a brother with whom i have shared a lot and they have shared with me
I can recognise I – I with other sisters who are exclusive about who can join their particular professional (PhD) group
and, like most people i have treated some people as and It and also been treated myself as an It. – and always felt really bad about it afterwards…

Catherine Solano · 9 March, 2022 at 7:51 am

I see this as being soooo closely connected with the teaching of Jesus: love one another as i have loved you and love your enemies ….it is really challenging to be 100/0 and for 100% of the time – I know i try and fail every day. And I realise that i want to be like this not because “God” is telling/expecting it of me but because I WANT to be like this, and especially because when i have experienced these qualities of relationship from special others who have helped me feel so much better about myself and about life in general.
But just because i/we can never ever achieve it in this life doesn’t mean we give up trying.
What i have learned, that is achievable, is to aim to be a little better each day, to name HOW and WHO i can be more, kind, patient and respectful towards /with.

Nigel Edwards · 4 March, 2022 at 7:39 am

The three examples seem to be indicative of a sense of “worth”.

The first example uses the concept of wages and being paid more as a reflection of ‘value’. The person feels they are worth more then they are receiving and is angry because others cannot see it. Work and salary in this instance seem to be an outlet for deeper rooted personal experiences around this concept of worth and value experienced at an earlier time for them. A lack of recognition of ‘worth’ creates the anger and the anger itself also becomes and masks a fear to address or take action about it.

The second example is about the person taking action in an attempt to reinforce their sense of worth. I am worth this (towel) as I have practically paid for it already – I deserve it. Money and objects become an outlet for attempting to provide validation of their worth and the more expensive the object the more worthy the person (of deserving it).

The third example seems to reflect the concept of “not worth” I do not deserve to be (happy, loving etc. I am not allowed to be. I would like to be but I cannot – that is not down to me but experiences I have had.

Phillipa Mychael · 4 February, 2022 at 4:06 am

Working with families or teams using Play of Life has great potential to help others see how different ones approach situations and to incorporate relational approaches to problem solving

Phillipa Mychael · 4 February, 2022 at 4:02 am

The 100/0 principle is a great way of looking at ‘love’ …. we often treat relationships as negotiable commodities. “If I do this I earn, or expect, that”; but good relationship is about choosing to act in a positive way toward another…the greatest example is where one chooses willingly to lay down his/her life for another.This is a challenge ! The 100/0 principle shows that by being in a position of giving attention to the other sincerely, and therefore by not expecting anything back , there can be a building of trust and caring on which platform mutual relationship can develop. A parent does this for a small baby and the child grows to learn to trust a parent’s love. Attentive parents understand a child’s needs and the child grows to be more independent, confident that needs will be met. If communities learnt to function this way and resources were given graciously by governments there could be less competition, more sharing and more mutual support and respect for government. In a counselling relationship one gives, and continues to guide, hoping for growth but not demanding it and changing strategy when necessary to go at the client’s pace and to achieve client’s goals, in order to see the client benefit from a constant & consistent relationship.

Margaret Bennett · 25 October, 2021 at 11:16 am

I did the exercise a couple of times and I found the messages extremely helpful when I was facing a vey difficult situation. While the situation did not change I experienced a stronger sense of agency to act for myself and be protective of myself

Margaret Bennett · 24 October, 2021 at 11:20 pm

A female figure stands with her hands raised up with a red cord around her at her feet – we don't know if she is the central figure in the scenario or whether one of the others are. Their is a small person in from of her back turned – is this her, a part of her, or a child? There is also another figure in the corner standing to her left also with back turned – again we don not know if this is her, part of her, or a child, or an adult male. This figure has something on its head. Behind the woman is what appears to be a male figure with something on the head, arms outstretched towards the woman – what doe this mean. What I see is – there are many many wonderings and curiosities to be talked about in this picture. We don't actually know which figure represents the person, we don't know who ae what the other figures are in relation to the person – the person; parts of the person; different feelings the person has; different people in relation to the person etc.We don't also know what the additional images – the images on heads, the red around the woman – we don't know what these are or what they mean.

Margaret Bennett · 18 October, 2021 at 1:35 am

Implications for me are being more thoughtful about best time/best place – also to be clearer about do I have safe place to land if and when making changes and checking this more also with clients.
My containers are several close friends and colleagues – my home where I live with my dog- the safety of my neighbourhood – the stability of my work

Margaret Bennett · 18 October, 2021 at 1:32 am

The physical and mental and emotional health of mother and nature of relationships around she and the baby including poverty's wealth; stability vet inseccurity of home etc, availability of food etc – as we ll as other external relationships eg nature of relationship with the father or other person sharing care, and also the nature of own experience e growing up from their parents – w hat have they learned about being a parent etc

Penny Vine · 10 October, 2021 at 12:38 pm

my piano is a thing an object and an instrument . As a thing it occupies space in my lounge room , filling in a corner. As an object it is a piece of furniture, highly polished wood of a beautiful colour a texture, and as an instrument it allows me to create wonderful sounds that give me much joy and bring me much peace

Margaret Bennett · 10 October, 2021 at 6:11 am

Requires a sense of trust, communication of empathy, and can assist client to be open and work towards repair and understanding of what is happening for them, also allows client to challenge and be open if they find something they don't like as well

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 7:04 am

After a series of miscarriages many many years ago for a period of time my arms would ache

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 7:02 am

Staying in an unhealthy relationship;ationship too long and always believing what the other person said and explained to me even when I felt uncomfortable about it

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 6:59 am

I stayed calm while my adult daughter was being argumentative, and insulting towards me. I did try to provide rational responses however her only response was to accuse and blame me.

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 2:38 am

Needed containment – When I was left alone during a miscarriage

Did not contain someone who needed to be – being annoyed with an adult daughter who refuses to move out of my home

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 2:24 am

I burned my hand against something hot on the stove, my hand jerked up and I grabbed my wrist – then having thought for a second rushed to put cold water on it – the jerking back response was automatic

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 2:05 am

Warm welcomer

Thoughtful encourager

Friendly neighbour

Understanding educated

Margaret Bennett · 1 October, 2021 at 12:55 am

Things – guitar
Object – strumming the guitar with plectrum or with fingers
Instrument – playing it well enough to perform in public

Things – books on counselling and therapy

Objects – applying some of the techniques

Instrument – after over 30 years as a practitioner their are some skills that are almost inane in me and people observing notice the ease

Alison Ashton-Jones · 30 September, 2021 at 11:13 am

Looking forward to the course.

Margaret Bennett · 29 September, 2021 at 7:23 am

I discovered how quickly I could represent the emotion and action in the placement of the figures. I discovered how difficult I found it to name the feeling and action. For the 'not the best of me' I represented myself standing on a block (soapbox) and people sitting in front of me. I called this role 'I am bossy teller'. This role I learned from my father (ages 0-19), my first husband who was quite authoritarian (21-32) and my second husband who was a lecturer and lectured us all a lot. (36-44) I depicted the impact on others of the not best of me role as the lesser seated' – some of this role I also identified with seeing my mother operate in that role all her life so for me ages 0-60)/ The best of me my figures stand opposite one another with a round blue disc in between representing wisdom. In this role I am 'warm See-er' I learned this role from my maternal grandmother (0-10 years) and from a dear friend and mentor (24-38). The others role is Happy Talker and that is definitely a way many people relate to me – friends and clients. In terms of % of time in these roles – Im in the not best of me somewhere between 35-40% of the time – lately hit has been 40% in a difficult relationship with an adult child. Beyond that the majority of my time thankfully I am 55-60% here and often more at times.

Margaret Bennett · 29 September, 2021 at 12:29 am

Lisa has picked up her work, she has also stood up, she has turned around – these are first steps to being able to see who is or is not there to help her

Margaret Bennett · 28 September, 2021 at 10:57 pm

She appears to. be sharing or at least showing her team what her workload is. The team are standing closer to each other and to her. Relationships are appearing more equal.

Margaret Bennett · 28 September, 2021 at 10:52 pm

She has support but cannot see who her supporters are and how they are offering support. She is also holding onto all the work and doesn't see her role and focus is this instead of in what ways can she work with the team to produce the work outcome etc

Margaret Bennett · 28 September, 2021 at 10:49 pm

Lack of support from managemnet is a major concern, she feels alone and isolated , she feels her complaints to her team are ignored, she blames her team , she sees them as uncooperative, providing no support – and its possible she communicates this to them, Other concerns are it is a huge project she wants to see work I expect or feels tasked to make it work

Penny Vine · 24 September, 2021 at 11:54 am

each statement is based on a thin description of the person's experience and thinking. Each is attributing their behaviour / emotions to what is happening around them. This blaming outside of self will not be conducive to a positive change in mood or behaviour, as the person remains trapped in victimhood. Justification for some acts of retaliation or antisocial behaviour can lie in these statements.

Penny Vine · 24 September, 2021 at 11:21 am

good to hear carlos giving a more detailed history than I had remembered

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 12 September, 2021 at 12:48 am

I have discovered that as much as I have gained insight into my role system I spend little time being the best of me.

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 11 September, 2021 at 11:51 pm

Lisa has turned around and is holding the workload towards the team whilst looking at team members rather than the work load.

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 11 September, 2021 at 11:47 pm

Lusa is turned away from her team and she is only able to see the work load.

Jessie Orwin · 8 September, 2021 at 1:51 pm

Would love to have this in a printable format / or in a work book so I don’t have to write it all down…

Eva Bruins · 7 September, 2021 at 8:45 am

When I am fragmented I'm short-changing myself and the other.

Estefania Raimundo Varley · 7 September, 2021 at 8:19 am

This reminds me of the Gillespie, saying:
“The path isn’t a straight line it is a spiral.
You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.”

Phillipa Mychael · 2 September, 2021 at 7:21 am

I believe we are capable of change and gaining greater self awareness, of being motivated to try things that are new that shape us. But I also hold that we are unique creations and that our foundational self responds in ways that are predetermined to resonate individually… that our sense of self grows but is in essence part of the same self. My foundations and my core beliefs shape my experience of me, rather than change my essence.

emma_s_sullivan@hotmail.com · 31 July, 2021 at 5:23 am

I discovered that the best and not so best of me was role modelled to me by the same person – my mother! I am so grateful to her for all of it!

emma_s_sullivan@hotmail.com · 30 July, 2021 at 7:55 am

Lisa has identified that what she would really like is to have all the team focused on the project. Also looks like Lisa is happy to hold /be the main leader of the project which may reflect her role as Team Leader.

emma_s_sullivan@hotmail.com · 30 July, 2021 at 7:51 am

Lisa is feeling very isolated, uncared for and unsupported by her team and the management within her company. With a high employee turnover – she might not be the only one!

Margaret Bennett · 28 April, 2021 at 1:11 am

Role reversal helps me to to understand their experience a lot more and it also helps me to identify how I am contributing to behaviours and/or solutions

Trish Lenan · 24 November, 2020 at 1:08 am

With the COVID situation this year, I have found myself more protective whilst in the public, especially at the supermarket. I haven't felt safe, not only because of the situation, but because of others behaviours and beliefs around the virus. Behind my mask and maintaining a distance between others, has expanded my psychologica self's space as well

lenanpatricia2@gmail.com · 6 November, 2020 at 4:58 am

Being a stepmother for 25 years, it can be challenging to remain in the I and thou relationship with my step children. My husband and his kids are the cubes and my children and I are the round fluffy balls. It is interesting to see the children’s dynamics change as they grow up, sometimes in the I and Thou, sometimes in the I and It. They are all very different. We are all learning to be in the I and Thou

lenanpatricia2@gmail.com · 5 November, 2020 at 8:13 am

It’s challenging to be 100%
It is something I consciously aspire to, and have in my value system, however I end up feeling angry when I am the responsible one. I also feel superior at times, and I struggle with coming from love and non judgement

hu.vickie@gmail.com · 19 October, 2020 at 2:57 am

can you describe more practically about how to help client cut through their words? thanks

hu.vickie@gmail.com · 25 September, 2020 at 3:46 am

Hey carols, i finished the starter course but it shows “Error! You cannot finish this course. Please contact your administrator for more information.” on my screen so please let me know what i can do the next. thanks

Sia Pickersgill · 11 September, 2020 at 4:48 am

Im a little confused. Is every memory suppose to be a ‘happy’ memory, or just a memory? And if there’s no feelings outside of ‘happiness’ for example if one was remembering playing outside with a sibling, and no other message of ‘you can do this’ , does that matter?

marilyn.waddington@gmail.com · 7 September, 2020 at 8:44 am

thinking that someone is rejecting me when really it's not about me ?

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 7 September, 2020 at 4:20 am

I really like the way it encourages people to think and work in silence – it gives the brain time to process without the need for words.

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 7 September, 2020 at 3:48 am

Potentially this may assist me to develop a healthy relationship with my son in law, who never responds to my efforts in a way that makes sense to me.

jorobertson007@gmail.com · 7 September, 2020 at 3:41 am

At I reflect on the possibility that at some stages of my life I have taken on the responsibility of other family members when I probably should have just offered support to help them get through things on their own.

hu.vickie@gmail.com · 4 August, 2020 at 3:08 pm

i think i have similar cases with people of controlled mother-figure, i will just become like Amber most of time to feel angry and keep keep emotional distance with them.

hu.vickie@gmail.com · 4 August, 2020 at 12:21 pm

i think the first question can be all related. If we don’t not realize what happens to our thoughts and be aware of what it is from that we might not be able to differentiate well and aware of one self feeling, other’s feeling and the environment. Instead of that, ppl might stuck in their belief and always feel like a victim or complainer .

hu.vickie@gmail.com · 4 August, 2020 at 12:19 pm

i think they are all related to each other. The cognitive bias might cause some negative emotions, reaction or even some unpleasant physical feelings. if we don’t not realize that we might not be able to differentiate well and aware of one self feeling, other’s feeling and the environment. Instead of that, ppl might stuck in their belief and always feel like a victim or complainer .

lenanpatricia2@gmail.com · 20 July, 2020 at 11:20 pm

Thanks for getting back to me, I was able to do the test

lenanpatricia2@gmail.com · 19 July, 2020 at 3:12 am

Hi Melanie, I am unable to open the technique test questions

beck.szwede@gmail.com · 18 July, 2020 at 4:09 am

I really liked this! I did notice towards the end when I was on the stage / circle, I clicked ‘back’ as I wanted to re-read and instruction but then wasn’t able to move forward again. I.e. the ‘continue/help button was missing.

    melanie@relationship.capital · 28 July, 2020 at 12:44 am

    Thank you, Beck for bringing this to our attention. I will let our Tech man know to sort it out.

weisstj74@gmail.com · 15 June, 2020 at 9:06 am

I celebrate my goals and achievements, Not always do I get it right but i try to remember when i do to celebrate it. I enjoy my volunteer work with clients and the satisfaction in knowing that i have helped someone, even if all i did was to just be present with them and just listen.

weisstj74@gmail.com · 15 June, 2020 at 8:49 am

I believe in life you have to take in that around you, you need to stop, enjoy the sounds, the smells and be in th moment. I try to always be the pilgrim, to enjoy the moment not just rush through it. Being on my couch, cuddling up with my children, listening to their laughter and just being with them..this is my best place to be a pilgrim.

davlin@iinet.net.au · 2 June, 2020 at 5:06 am

As a christian, eternal hope and being a child of God makes me celebrate and feel for the lost and broken hearts and souls. Jesus provides the self improvement and communal identity

siapickersgill@gmail.com · 25 May, 2020 at 11:35 pm

I have learnt to look at myself from others perspectives and therefore am more aware of my behaviour. I could attempt to get clients to view how their actions/behaviour/attitudes may be reflected upon and contributing to unhappy/unpleasant situations. I would need to try to think about different scenarios and how they would/could play out

siapickersgill@gmail.com · 25 May, 2020 at 11:30 pm

I’m spending far too much time in the fragmented role and i really need to change that

siapickersgill@gmail.com · 24 May, 2020 at 11:57 pm

It seems that Lisa is complaining about the lack of help, yet she’s hovering over the work not wanting to let go of control. Maybe she isnt comfortable or confident that her staff/team can do the job, so she’s taking the entire workload on

cheryl_rcy@hotmail.com · 17 May, 2020 at 6:38 am

The good memories I had throughout my life comes to me so much easier than expected. But, most importantly, as I was reminiscing the memories, it felt like time stopped at this point in time while I reflect on those happy moments. It’s truly enjoyable.

cheryl_rcy@hotmail.com · 17 May, 2020 at 3:49 am

I wanted to appear to others, and even to myself, that "as I aspire to become a psychologist who help others in times of need, I have to be resilient and remain strong for others to feel safe and secure in (emotionally) relying on me." Though I am as much of a human as others, I too experience ups and down in life. As such, I find myself often hide in a place where no one could find me, feeling upset and vulnerable, on top of that, lonely, yet feel guilty for experiencing these negative emotions.

suzannekingpsych@gmail.com · 16 May, 2020 at 6:42 am

I can celebrate my clients when they show courage and insight. I feel it is a privilege to be a witness to the emotions of others and to be present in that space with them. By exploring my own feelings and understanding myself I can participate more fully in life and be truly present with others.

nsocino@gmail.com · 14 May, 2020 at 9:22 pm

buenas tardes no he podido comenzar el curso en virtud que no lo encuentro traducido al español

suzannekingpsych@gmail.com · 14 May, 2020 at 11:50 am

I know I have a prejudice that appears when I automatically judge people's behaviour towards their children eg when I witness episodes someone yelling at their children in public, ignoring them when they speak or handling them roughly.

suzannekingpsych@gmail.com · 14 May, 2020 at 11:35 am

I have just last week become a grandmother for the first time and I believe I experience being a pilgrim when I hold him and become immersed in his sounds, movements and breath. I notice so much detail and feel drawn in to this new experience. It has certainly changed me!

crisorlandog@gmail.com · 7 May, 2020 at 5:03 am

Hola! Selecciono idioma Español pero no se cambia!

barbanne04@outlook.com · 4 May, 2020 at 7:17 am

When I react in this “not the best of me” way, I think I am forgetting about God & so letting God down, by not calling on him to guide my response. I feel a failure, disappointed & disgusted with myself, yet feel righteously indignant.

barbanne04@outlook.com · 4 May, 2020 at 7:12 am

I saw this in my family of origin. I think this is where i have learnt to react defensively,
when I feel misunderstood & judged unfairly.

barbanne04@outlook.com · 4 May, 2020 at 6:53 am

I’m finding it hard to choose a situation.

pastorortizdelencino@gmail.com · 8 April, 2020 at 5:03 pm

I can think about a few people that right now are doing that. They are mostly teenagers. I am probably scary to them, as I was for my children when they were little. I feel very sorry for that.

pastorortizdelencino@gmail.com · 8 April, 2020 at 4:45 pm

First of all, what a great explanation of how the brain works.
Second, yes I do, but I am having some difficulty to identify my own Cognitive Bias. I know they're there because I haven't been able to lose weight and exercise to be fit and healthy. I feel tired all the time both, physically and emotionally. I think that the emotional brain has affected my body by creating biases. It's probably guilt for not being able to spend more time with my two sons as they were growing up, but I am not sure.
I would have to get more education to find out exactly what those biases look like.

melanie@relationship.capital · 17 March, 2020 at 4:45 am

test

chrisstewart501@me.com · 6 March, 2020 at 9:36 am

Hi Melanie I wanted to do this practice question (Selflog 1) but couldn’t print out more than the General Information. I couldn’t print out the Warm up or Serious phases to follow so I was a bit confused about what I had to do? I assume you can just do this with a family member and then do role playing someone with a problem?

rosinamenafra@hotmail.com · 16 February, 2020 at 2:22 am

Todos los videos estan ingles?

chrisstewart501@me.com · 13 February, 2020 at 11:46 am

That’s great

chrisstewart501@me.com · 13 February, 2020 at 11:44 am

That’s a good statement

chrisstewart501@me.com · 13 February, 2020 at 11:37 am

I have now printed out the templates

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:47 am

I feel a bit concerned that in the Not the Best of Me I have focused on things that were done to me and not things I was doing.
As there were two identical situations where groups of people I had got on very well with were damaged by a very bullying person I truly didn’t think it was me that was causing this toxic situation. I guess if I did want to choose something else that was Not the Best of me i could choose the fact that in the past I have been described as controlling and aloof and have certainly worked on those two things

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:42 am

This module has not given the chance to say I only want to share with P o L staff

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:39 am

I was spending much too much time in the Fragmentary role as I did not want to leave a group of people I really liked but after years of frustration and distress I realised this situation was not going to change so I now spend about 95% away from those situations and 5% on trying to remediate when I feel it is necessary, without allowing myself to get distressed by it.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:36 am

I felt this situation drained the Life Force away from a group of people, there was no Godliness there,

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:35 am

I had this feeling when I was at boarding school and had good friends and also when I was at Women’s College (where I was in my third year elected President) .It is very satisfying to be part of a group.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:33 am

This figure feels included, happy, content, contributing, creating community, healthy, inspired

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:32 am

I don’t think I ever saw this role system before I met this person.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:31 am

As I can’t write into those spaces I have to do it here. Feeling was very strong – upset, alienated, angry, feeling of unjustness,
starts to affect ones body so that I and others become ill.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:28 am

Unfortunately I have been in situations in my life where someone has caused others to turn on me so I have learnt what
bullying is, how a whole group can become ill and stressed, how people can become divided, how difficult it is to talk about it and how damaging it becomes.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:27 am

I felt included, happy, fulfilled, involved in a group, unstressed, contributing

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:25 am

In the NOT the Best of You if people turned away from me I felt rejected, upset as I felt it was for the wrong reasons, alienated,
angry at things being said about me that were untrue and disappointed that people would behave like that

chrisstewart501@me.com · 24 January, 2020 at 9:23 am

I thought as those large spaces were there that I should be able to write into them with my answers but, try as I might, I was unable to. How should I reply to this??

chrisstewart501@me.com · 20 January, 2020 at 7:06 am

I think this is exactly how Donald Trump treats refugees – lumping them all into one basket as an IT no
matter what skills they have or contributions they could make.

And we can see many examples such as Jews and Palestinians. I saw a film once where two babies had been accidentally swapped at birth – one was Jewish, the other Palestinian – the two families had grown up bringing up one of their enemy and of course had loved them.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 19 January, 2020 at 9:46 am

I think Lisa is now trying but hasn’t quite got there as the rest of the group are holding hands – showing strong bonding but she and Joanne are still not involved in that. She needs to bond both of them with the group as well. Also she is the only one holding the project and until they can all hold it because they all have a role in it I still don’t think she has quite reached the ideal situation.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 19 January, 2020 at 9:44 am

This is a very different scenario. Lisa is now trying to communicate with the team, telling them about the project and bringing Joanne "the gem" in at the same level as the others. She is, however, still the only one holding the project so perhaps she has not yet communicated to each one what their individual role is. As far as I can tell, the team – apart from Joanne and Lisa- are all holding hands, showing team bonding and Lisa needs to involve both herself and Joanne into that to create a truly cohesive and involved working group.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 19 January, 2020 at 9:39 am

(I wrote this and it then disappeared) Looking at this tableau it is apparent that Lisa is not communicating with nor involving her team. The team are all supportive of each other and reaching out to her but she can't see that. She also is the only one holding the project so she may indeed be a very controlling person who is poor at trusting, communicating with and involving other. Even Joanne, whom she thought was the "gem" is not allowed to share in holding the project. Lisa may play favourites, split her team, create distrust and not communicate her needs well.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 19 January, 2020 at 9:29 am

Lisa is very concerned because they are working on a $20M project which is behind schedule and is over budget. She is also very worried because there is low team engagement and many leaving. Even though she has tried to talk to her boss about it she doesn't feel she's getting any support so feels very isolated. She feels this can't go on. She is distressed that the team are uncooperative and unsupportive and uncaring – except for one person, Joanne whom she thinks is a treasure.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 18 January, 2020 at 9:52 am

I had an interesting experience when I decided to have an exhibition of paintings based on the Foreshore Walk in Glebe. It is a walk I do most days for exercise. When I realised I had to find subjects for paintings I looked at things far more carefully and found to my amazement that I saw things I had never noticed before, even though I had been doing this walk for years. Oysters on the rocks, patterns of shadows on the pavement, a set of steps, views across the water – it greatly enhanced my experience of that walk.

chrisstewart501@me.com · 29 December, 2019 at 9:35 am

Am I doing this on my own as I was hopeful this was going to be a dialogue with the two members of my family who would be doing it too? Do I keep going or do I wait for them?

    melanie@relationship.capital · 13 January, 2020 at 11:23 pm

    Hi Christie,
    You can do this together side by side or individually and share your notes to each other. We recommend people to get together and review the theory and practice the techniques together.
    Regards
    Melanie

      chrisstewart501@me.com · 18 January, 2020 at 9:27 am

      OK Maybe now I have finished the Starter course we can do that with the next Modules.

ronpiercelyons@yahoo.com · 25 December, 2019 at 7:46 am

video does not play??? or veeeerrry veerryyy sloooowwwwllllyyyy

    melanie@relationship.capital · 13 January, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    Hi Ron, sorry about the slow video, sometimes if the video is large it can take longer to show due to the internet speed but I will have our tech team look into it. Thank you very much for bringing it to my attention.
    Melanie (Associate Director Play of Life)

    rosinamenafra@hotmail.com · 16 February, 2020 at 2:16 am

    A mi me sucede lo mismo !!! Muy lento

chrisstewart501@me.com · 15 December, 2019 at 7:10 am

I feel these three people all regard themselves as victims. They don't see that they have choices in the situation.
The first person is angry because he feels he is underpaid. What is he doing about it? Has he asked for a raise? Has he looked
for another job? Has he decided to accept the situation if he isn't going to do anything about it?

The second person feels he can justify a dishonest action because the hotel he chose himself to stay in he now regards as
too expensive. Why is he staying there? Did he have another choice?

The third person is blaming circumstances for his situation. These people all regard themselves as victims and blame others for where they are not seeing that they have choices.

    melanie@relationship.capital · 13 January, 2020 at 10:48 pm

    Hi Christie, I’ve read your comment, thank you for your great insights!

chrisstewart501@me.com · 12 December, 2019 at 11:01 am

I am wondering if there is something wrong as I seem to be going round in circles

chrisstewart501@me.com · 12 December, 2019 at 10:59 am

I have filled this in already

chrisstewart501@me.com · 12 December, 2019 at 10:57 am

Just wondering if I should wait for my daughter and husband to join

fldickie@gmail.com · 9 September, 2019 at 7:45 am

I am going to be a pilgrim on this course and challenge my prejudices.

tonycarter@tallowillow.com.au · 20 August, 2019 at 2:06 am

Unfortunately, not all evolution is good. There are a great many social experiments occurring (as opposed to being conducted) these days which are motivated by rather selfish agendas.
Of course, this statement could demonstrate prejudice, but there is a need for discernment if we seek growth rather than fragmentation, joy rather than happiness. Critical ingredients of discernment are love and self knowledge.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 17 April, 2019 at 4:34 am

With the play of life, it is a real world in which you as a person you don’t need to search for an answer, but you get answer by practising the play of life and this flows without even thinking about it.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 8 April, 2019 at 6:58 am

When I feel tired and angry this cause a headache, it even causes me to sleep.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 8 April, 2019 at 6:53 am

Yes, there was a time I was feeling down and depressed, I was feeling Isolated and I could not speak to anyone. I was thinking that no one could feel or understand the way I was feeling. For sure It doesn't help when you think that way, the more you keep it to yourself the more you continue to suffer from it. Then I went to play soccer with the community friends which always happen every Saturday. When I got there I met one man with his son coming to play too. I said to the man: I am not happy , I am really down and the doctor told me that I am depressed. The man told me This: don't worry mate I went through this for long time but since I started coming here to play soccer, everything started improving, now I am happy with my family. For you to, just do what you enjoy doing and enjoy yourself, you will be good and everything will work well again with you.

dwkfish2@gmail.com · 17 February, 2019 at 4:17 am

The power Of community support of an individual in crisis like the homeless and being involved with Bayside Church to make a difference however small.

dwkfish2@gmail.com · 17 February, 2019 at 4:13 am

Judgemental of strangers and biased to my own set of beliefs

dwkfish2@gmail.com · 17 February, 2019 at 4:11 am

At 6am in the morning when meditating about my life and family

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 14 January, 2019 at 4:42 am

My children were in the house in the morning getting ready to play, in a while I felt overwhelmed by their games after telling them to stop for couple of minutes. A friend who they call Grand- mother came to visit and took them to the swimming pool for a swim. This brought to my wife and then we stayed home enjoying our peaceful time. when the children returned home from swimming everyone was happy as we were all refreshed and having a good thinking as we had a happy time of not being together for a while.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 14 January, 2019 at 4:16 am

At Christmas time, I had so many people in my house than expected and I felt overwhelmed, then I contained myself by having a walk with my dog and my dog was overwhelmed too. She was not used to so many people and non stop talking.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 14 January, 2019 at 4:06 am

I went to my bedroom last night, big spider rolling at the window, then I was shocked and jumped away automatically.
As soon as it happened I was not frightened anymore. I went to the kitchen, I grabbed Insect spray and I sprayed the spider and it died. This made me feel safe and I felt relieved after seeing it dead.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 14 January, 2019 at 3:43 am

The mind operates in the brain and this creates different reactions and different actions in people. Through our actions we can determined who we are and how our brain works.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 4 January, 2019 at 2:27 am

Supportive sharer.
Encouraging modeler
Happy Helper
Joyful speaker

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 4 January, 2019 at 2:12 am

Fear is fundamental to this. For example, I may not know the way to get somewhere, then I will start struggling in my thinking. Instead of asking any person I see around me, that person may be from there or knows the way better than I do. How will I get help if I don’t ask? In my thought I will be like: I don’t want to disurb anybody, fear comes, stress comes and other negative thoughts. finally I will end up to be discribed as a Frightened withdrawer. This is a fragmenting role.
Here is the Constructive role: For example, if I approach a person and ask him if he could know the way to get me to the post office. The person may say no, but, he may lead me to the right person who is familiar with that place.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 4 January, 2019 at 1:53 am

When someone succeeds in his carrier or studies and that person was supported by you, he becomes useful to the community and other people succeed through him. All these come to you as tips as people say: he is successful because of his great person who leads him in the right way, now we are successful because he succeeded. When this comes back to you as praise for what you did to support first that person it definitely reduces anxiety.

lindsay@playoflife.com · 12 December, 2018 at 2:41 pm

Lisa has changed her focus and the work is the responsibility of the entire team.

lindsay@playoflife.com · 12 December, 2018 at 1:50 pm

Lisa has not represented issues like being behind schedule and over budget. Her team is supportive and she is not alone and her sole focus on the work prevents her from seeing this. She is not engaged with her team or Joanne.

lindsay@playoflife.com · 10 December, 2018 at 5:32 am

Her concerns – the project is behind schedule, the project is over budget, low team engagement, high level of employee turnover, repeated complaints to boss leave her feeling isolated, an uncooperative team, no support from Management and no one at work cares.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 6 December, 2018 at 5:16 am

It is true, we all go through this in one way or another but some people go deeper than others. People have so many reasons to justify their wrong doing. Others trying to comfort themselves, justifying their behaviours. This is when the play of life can help to discover the gaps and helps you to come up with a better idea of handling this which will lead you to change.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 6 December, 2018 at 4:43 am

The Emotional engagement is vital in the client relationship because it helps the client to feel contained that is when they feel safe. This brings the person to open up to bring all his attitudes and character to the safe environment which is for him a safe place for change.
When people express themselves this helps them to know who they are and reach to a point of better connection.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 6 December, 2018 at 4:13 am

Engagement is very important, because this connect people together and helps to know each other more.
Engagement brings connections, collaboration and cooperation. This brings values and appreciation.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 6 December, 2018 at 3:48 am

Dr. Carlos explained clearly about the meaning of feeling contained. that it's to be protected.
This touched my heart as a young parent; Our children feel protected because they have someone to run to when the danger comes. As well us parents we understand what our parents were feeling when we were little, the responsability they had looking after us.
Protection takes away fear, protection builds personality, it gives peace of mind and builds more confidence.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 29 November, 2018 at 4:55 am

I have learned through this technique of play of life. This technique has brought a big change in me and I feel healed.
This change which this made in me has uplifted my self-esteem to be able to help others. This technique is very constructive as it doesn't need much explanation but much action: looking, seeing, touching and moving. This create a transformation in my thinking and brings up the person I am which is the inner me.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 29 November, 2018 at 4:42 am

I really found that the Fragmented role in the play of life should not last for long, because this may cause harm to your personality, such as: mistrust, Isolation, withdrawal and lead you to an unhappy mood.

The Constructive role is the one which leads to success as people see you as a leader, a role model, and a trustworthy person because when people are together, they feel the sense of belonging, feel loved and united and valued. Being together. I feel connected as well as loved which brings positive image about myself and other people I'm with. This grows my personality.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 22 November, 2018 at 4:15 am

This means that we need each other in life, by yourself you are not enough. You need to be completed by relating to others, of cause in positive way.
I am I because YOU are there which means, You see your value once you are valued by others.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 22 November, 2018 at 3:57 am

This shows how we judge ourselves. but the main thing is to know that we value ourselves by intension and we value others by their actions. The point here is about how other people judge us. Don’t forget that people judge us by our action as we do to them as well. They see the visual part of us which is our actions.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 22 November, 2018 at 3:34 am

The first one shows how people respond to verbal interpretation from our own thinking.
The second one is the feed back of what we see happening in front of us, visible to us which is the power of the technique.

danamaani.j@gmail.com · 31 October, 2018 at 4:36 pm

My little brother was passing through a hard time and i couldnt contain it because i am short tempered when it comes to him

danamaani.j@gmail.com · 31 October, 2018 at 4:23 pm

Caring listener, Positive motivator, Loving helper

danamaani.j@gmail.com · 27 October, 2018 at 12:00 pm

She doesn't have the management's support.
unable to manage the team
the team has high turnover
she feels she is alone
she feels the management doesn't care

danamaani.j@gmail.com · 14 October, 2018 at 5:09 pm

I celebrate achieving my daily goals, I celebrate being Healthy, I celebrate when i can give something to the society even if’s a small hope, a reason to smile, or a simple kind word/Act.
I feel the need to help others. The need to try to make their lives better even for a little bit or a short time. I feel the need to give positive thoughts for those who need it. The need to make a change in the world, And if i cant change it with my hand, I change it with my tongue, and if i can’t with my tongue, I change it with my heart. PRAY.
I participate by improving myself and my soft skills to be able to make things easier and smoother for others.

Nyombe Nyambura · 29 August, 2018 at 7:58 am

Verbal communication with the limitation it articulate the range of strategies that the tow parties agree and used it promptly , this always base on the dynamic of what types of communication

melanie@playoflife.com · 29 August, 2018 at 7:57 am

I hope to be a pilgrim throughout this course

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 August, 2018 at 7:11 am

Lisa has changed she is bringing healing to the group and reunite with them again.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 August, 2018 at 7:09 am

Lisa’s process in the play of life as she demonstrated to the group is goo because this play of life is working in Lisa’s life too.
Lisa joined the team and she is sharing the work with the team.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 August, 2018 at 7:02 am

Lisa excluded herself from the team. Joanne is trying to speak on behalf of Lisa and this could encourage Lisa as well as bringing happiness to her that she has a support but she is not even motivating the speaker. Lisa thinks she is right but the play of life shows that she is wrong and she has to see herself in the play of life, why is she excluding herself from the team.
It the same in life people think always that they are right and they have problems but they forget that they may be the problem. until they reflect and work deeper in it then change. That is why play of life is important as it helps you to balance yourself and take a step of healing.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 August, 2018 at 6:48 am

She is frustrated, not listened to, the team is uncooperative, management not listening and no body cares except Joanne and finally she feels Isolated.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 August, 2018 at 6:43 am

Here in play of life the action speaks more than the word and this brings a quick healing because the progress of the action brings positive healing, it may be painful but it works.
The verbal communication without action can lead to harm and there may be no quick solution as expected.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 27 July, 2018 at 6:26 am

Identity and communication are very important thins to have in life.
Many people don’t appreciate who they are and what potential they have, until it is discovered by others,. Some times not knowing who you are can bring confusion and stress. But when you discover who you are, you feel motivated and affirmed as you feel that you can do something positive in life.

    Catherine Solano · 23 September, 2021 at 11:13 am

    So true and also the many mixed and contradictory messages that we can get beginning in childhood that accumulate and leave their positive and negative influences throughout our lives – it all is part of the confusion and stress that you identify above

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 23 July, 2018 at 1:32 am

I celebrate a new born baby who just arrived in my family recently.
I usually like to talk to people and hear their thinking, thoughts and achievements, then I pick any positive side as a motivation for uplifting their self esteem. I know many people face difficulties because they need attention sometimes, they need someone to listen to them. When you are a good listener you will celebrate all the time with other people's success.
Many people come to me feeling really down and when I speak to them about how important they are, I see them rising again and getting stronger and stronger, this brings more celebration because I have helped someone to discover his positivity. In the society today when people have been doing good and when one mistake happen to their lives, it takes away their joy straight away, that is why people need one another for sharing.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 18 July, 2018 at 2:37 am

Yes indeed. There is evolution every day and everyone want to be a head in everything. some people take risks in life to show that they were part of the bigger things that have happened.
In all these. it is much better to be moderate, have your joy and happiness in every step of life as you move a head which get to a good ending as you feel happy with your achievement.

innocentbaleke@yahoo.fr · 18 July, 2018 at 2:27 am

The big barrier is about judging a client before helping him. It is better to explore the person and know who he is before jumping to a conclusion. He may be more than what you think.

Penny Vine · 29 June, 2018 at 9:06 am

Lisa is sharing the workload with the other people on her team and there is a closer grouping of everyone.

Penny Vine · 29 June, 2018 at 9:04 am

Lisa's expereince was different from that observed by others . The support was there but she was preoccupied with the task and ignoring the people

Colina · 29 June, 2018 at 4:57 am

Thanks, I found this very helpful since the first step is easy and I have already taken it.

Nyombe Nyambura · 17 June, 2018 at 10:22 am

I am enjoying the course its too much to ready but taking me gratefully.
Happy ready!1

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